on&on

sometimes i have anxiety attacks. and they feel paralyzing.

sometimes the walls feel like they are closing in on me.

especially when the realization that what is, will no longer be.

death.

she whispers her existence in my ear and i can no longer breathe.

my palms perspire.

my airflow stiffens.

my chest tightens.

and i am still not sure if it is because she taunts me with her presence or because i cannot control any of it.

maybe it’s both.

i don’t know what’s to come.

and while i believe in a higher being,

a supreme ruler of all,

for some reason this still hasn’t been enough to calm the storm that arises within my spirit.

therapy works…sometimes.

distractions are my favorite.

they provide temporary relief by allowing me to forget my fear by focusing on something other than her.

almost as if you ignore something it disappears.

but she won’t.

she is just as alive as i am.

and i’m not sure if that will ever sit well with my soul.

i pray so.

until then,

in the midst of my moment, god brought me relief.

a small reminder that beyond this moment,

on another side in another dimension,

we go on&on.

distractions are my favorite.

they can yield messages from the divine.

erykah is a god send.

-unsettled